Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm passing your future prison.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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