My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
