i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
We need to rekindle our bromance
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
