Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
