I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
