I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
