never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You took a bar mat shot.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
