so that wasnt chicken after all
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
