Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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