I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
