I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
