I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize
