I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
