I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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