your thong is hanging out like whoa
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
