yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
