HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
