I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
