I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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