im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I think I am morally bankrupt
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
