Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
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