I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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