my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
