dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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