so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We have so much sex to catch up on
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
