I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
