i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
