Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
