It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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