An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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