Someone shit on the floor
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
