Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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