Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
