you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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