you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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