Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
