chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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