i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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