He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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