I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
