Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
