You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
