I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
We need to rekindle our bromance
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
