I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
