Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
