I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Shame - the story of my life.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
