You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
