omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
