Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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