I wish I could punch you in the face.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Randomize
