Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
